Hi Philip,
I'd almost lost your poem! I don't understand what's happened to it. So I'm
borrowing one of the posts about it!
I love its simple rhythm, it's way of lulling me into accepting some
startling and unexpected images!
But I still worry about the "eternal" as a longboat. I guess you mean the
sutton-hoo longboat? It might be that I have an image of almost all the
other chieftan's longboats being set fire to and drifting to valhalla on the
sea! But I learnt about longboats perhaps from teachers who didn't know
about sutton hoo.
The rest just slides smoothly on, and satisfies.
Bob
>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: THE POETRY SHED - second draft
>Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2002 18:20:42 +0000
>
>Thanks Christina, You generous and valued critic, I'm so glad you like the
>poem. Philip
>
>
>>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: THE POETRY SHED - second draft
>>Date: Thu, 7 Nov 2002 07:14:43 EST
>>
>>This is a real feast of language and images, Phil. It's the sort of poem
>>I'd
>>really like to hear performed - it feels as if it needs to be read aloud.
>>Love the embelishes the patio/talking of Michaelangelo touch!
>>And congratulations! Gosh, another star on the list:-)
>>bw
>>christina
>>
>>
>> > The Poetry Shed
>>
>> >
>>
>> >
>>
>> > Two degrees to starboard
>>
>> > in ten years - its wood coat
>>
>> > stagey as a dose of cardboard
>>
>> > eternal as a longboat.
>>
>> >
>>
>> > Kids respect its drum calls
>>
>> > its spiders (wide as jam lids).
>>
>> > Kids don’t hit the shed with balls
>>
>> > or pry away the whippy ribs.
>>
>> >
>>
>> > As earwigs in a house-of-cards
>>
>> > the tenants come, the tenants go
>>
>> > Over the door, a diamond star
>>
>> > embellishes the patio.
>>
>> >
>>
>> > The shed strains to almost fit
>>
>> > the pitted spade, encrusted rag
>>
>> > sleeping hyacinth, fig biscuit
>>
>> > earth-scented carpetbag,
>>
>> >
>>
>> > squirreled offcuts, knotted wire
>>
>> > rusty horticultural floss
>>
>> > fungal-interpenetrated coir
>>
>> > tottery vases, better lost.
>>
>>
>
>
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