Hi James, Thanks for this. You've really hooked the poem on board. Glad it
worked for you. Philip
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: THE POETRY SHED - second draft
>Date: Thu, 7 Nov 2002 08:53:07 +0000
>
>Hi Phil,
>I didn't look at the first draft, nor consider other comments. This has
>definate J Alfred Prufrock echoes though in a positive way. I love the
>assemblage of a list of what's in the shed and how it works into the form
>of the poem. I can also empathise with the comings and goings, as host to a
>regular poetry event "the tenants come, the tenants go", yes, poetry is
>part of life, so permanent yet impermanent. Great stuff.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: THE POETRY SHED - second draft
>>Date: Wed, 6 Nov 2002 23:10:20 +0000
>>
>>The Poetry Shed
>>
>>
>>Two degrees to starboard
>>in ten years - its wood coat
>>stagey as a dose of cardboard
>>eternal as a longboat.
>>
>>Kids respect its drum calls
>>its spiders (wide as jam lids).
>>Kids don’t hit the shed with balls
>>or pry away the whippy ribs.
>>
>>As earwigs in a house-of-cards
>>the tenants come, the tenants go
>>Over the door, a diamond star
>>embellishes the patio.
>>
>>The shed strains to almost fit
>>the pitted spade, encrusted rag
>>sleeping hyacinth, fig biscuit
>>earth-scented carpetbag,
>>
>>squirreled offcuts, knotted wire
>>rusty horticultural floss
>>fungal-interpenetrated coir
>>tottery vases, better lost.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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