Hi Grassy,
This is an accomplished use of the sonnet form and you are well practised in
this form. At one level I like the take on the detective story in "hard
boiled" mode. Ultimately it immitated the detective novel to the extent that
the plot was fine but long-term I wouldn't read it again. I'm not being
negative but feel a time served poet like yourself should try to go to
another level. This is good. You can go better. Hope this helps.



bw
James





>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Death scene
>Date: Tue, 5 Nov 2002 18:27:43 -0000
>
>                       Death scene
>
>Rehearsing in his head what he will see,
>the cop sighs as he walks along the hall.
>Another Pollock painted on a wall
>with gouts of blood and brains, but mindlessly.
>They never think of who must scrub the room,
>ignoring cleaner ways to forfeit hope -
>the pills and plastic bag, or choke of rope -
>and choose the Western way, a graphic boom.
>
>The girlfriend has arrived. Send Gilchrist down
>to break the news. He has the tender knack.
>Another death to document, more mess,
>another final pratfall for a clown.
>He stuffs an unsmoked Lite back in its pack,
>then breathes and feels the movement in his chest.
>
>                            grasshopper


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