Hi Phil,
I didn't look at the first draft, nor consider other comments. This has
definate J Alfred Prufrock echoes though in a positive way. I love the
assemblage of a list of what's in the shed and how it works into the form of
the poem. I can also empathise with the comings and goings, as host to a
regular poetry event "the tenants come, the tenants go", yes, poetry is part
of life, so permanent yet impermanent. Great stuff.
bw
James
>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: THE POETRY SHED - second draft
>Date: Wed, 6 Nov 2002 23:10:20 +0000
>
>The Poetry Shed
>
>
>Two degrees to starboard
>in ten years - its wood coat
>stagey as a dose of cardboard
>eternal as a longboat.
>
>Kids respect its drum calls
>its spiders (wide as jam lids).
>Kids don’t hit the shed with balls
>or pry away the whippy ribs.
>
>As earwigs in a house-of-cards
>the tenants come, the tenants go
>Over the door, a diamond star
>embellishes the patio.
>
>The shed strains to almost fit
>the pitted spade, encrusted rag
>sleeping hyacinth, fig biscuit
>earth-scented carpetbag,
>
>squirreled offcuts, knotted wire
>rusty horticultural floss
>fungal-interpenetrated coir
>tottery vases, better lost.
>
>
>
>
>
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