Dear Bob
i think you're right about the title which is an allusion to Blake's
poem...'Let Age and sickness etc
I wonder if i can get away with Vineyards of the Night? I know it doesn't
conform to any of your ideas except that's precisely when you have thoughts
like this and it refers to age etc.
The problem of bringing in another person is that it may disrupt the split
identity-and i prefer to call her 'she' rather than addressing a 'you'
What do you think?

BW
Christine

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bob Cooper [SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: 04 November 2002 12:42
> To:   [log in to unmask]
> Subject:      Re: old 'pantoum' (the poem)
>
> oH YES...
> And the title... (?).
> As I've sorted my lumch I've spent a fair bit of time chewing over yr
> title.
> Like poems, they needn't conform to well used formulas (but they can).
> This
> title seems too tame for the poem.
> In thinking about this poem I'm thinking about ideas of "I can see it
> write
> on yer face" and what may sidle close to that...
> And I'm thinking where these sorts of comments may be said (the location
> of
> the poem)
> And I'm thinking person... a particular person (not necessarily the poet)
> who can share the poet's thoughts about this.
> Bob
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: "Bousfield, Christine [CES]" <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: old 'pantoum' (the poem)
> >Date: Mon, 4 Nov 2002 12:18:33 -0000
> >
> >  Thanks Bob. Really helpful again.
> >BW
> >Christine
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Bob Cooper
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Sent: 04/11/02 12:26
> >Subject: Re: old 'pantoum' (the poem)
> >
> >Hi Christine,
> >Sorry I've not replied earlier. Life's been busy of late. But I like the
> >poem a lot ...though I've wondered if it might work just as well without
> >the
> >last stanza? I mean it does some original work but I sense the poem is
> >stronger without it! And it also has a sense that there's a feeling
> >about it
> >that shows up as "I really "Need" to say more to get control of this!"
> >My
> >thought is that you don't need to say anything more - just let the poem
> >speak for itself!
> >Bob
> >
> >
> > >From: "Bousfield, Christine [CES]" <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: old 'pantoum'
> > >Date: Wed, 30 Oct 2002 18:23:58 -0000
> > >
> > >Dear All
> > >I keep trying to send this-some might have seen it in another
> > >place.Comments?
> > >BW
> > >Christine
> > >
> > >Let Age...
> > >
> > >They happened while sleeping,
> > >hieroglyphs on my face;
> > >as the shadows were deepening,
> > >someone else took my place.
> > >
> > >Hieroglyphs on my face:
> > >I'm not long for this earth,
> > >someone else took my place,
> > >someone born at my birth.
> > >
> > >I'm not long for this earth,
> > >someone else took my place,
> > >someone born at my  birth
> > >who looks out of my face.
> > >
> > >Someone else took my place,
> > >I fall out of time,
> > >she looks out of my face
> > >and this flesh is not mine.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >                                         chrisbousfield
> >
> >
> >_________________________________________________________________
> >Internet access plans that fit your lifestyle -- join MSN.
> >http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
> http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963