Hi Frank,
A brilliant poem! It captures the mood so well.
Do you say "telephone" or just "phone" (I'm wanting all the words to be
those just emerging from the narrator's head as loosely as they probably
do).
And you use the word "flow" twice! I'd be tempted to replace one of them (I
sort of feel the traffic swill up and down the street - but that may be just
me!)
And "a drek on paper"! Eurgh! Even the poor bloke's dreks don't get to merge
with the rest of society's effluence!!!
Bob
>From: Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub - single drek
>Date: Sat, 2 Nov 2002 21:35:32 +1100
>
>will it be a book tonight
>or the tele
>dinner was a table
>for one facing the window
>at the noodle bar
>
>no point calling up a friend
>it's saturday there's no-one home
>and it doesn't do
>to wear the welcome down
>
>lie down on the settee
>remote control to change the show
>there's nothing
>worth a second look
>nothing to talk about tomorrow
>and no-one to say it to
>
>leave the front door open
>hear the traffic flow
>up and down
>this dead-end street
>it's good to know
>there's life out there
>god knows
>everything has died in here
>
>could have gone out
>to the singles bar
>for anybody
>over twenty-eight
>but how do you join that flow
>how ever do you change
>into a body more attractive
>
>it's looking like an early night
>the telephone is silent
>no-one thought to give a call
>but hardly anybody
>has the number and anyway
>you look at it
>this single life
>is only drek on paper
>
>
>
>The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
>http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
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