Dear Christina,
I enjoyed this. Funny, when I start writing in couplets, I fall naturally
into octameter like this.
Only a few neeny nits (apart from the obvious typo) : I was a bit thrown by
Rumpelstiltskin as I can't remember any link between that tale and hair- it
almost makes it look like an error for Rapunzel-which I know it isn't.
Also, as you've already used sweets in S1, how about a 'cake house' in
S3; -for me ,this would echo 'cake dance' - but praps I'm just odd.
Also I wondered a bit between having 2 perfect rhymes and a sight rhyme for
the same word in just 3 stanzas
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: Christina Fletcher
Sent: Friday, November 01, 2002 11:35 PM
Subject: New sub: The Sins of the Daughter
The Sins of the Daughter
There was a skinny-fingered child
whose head was filled with thoughts of god.
She forked her fingers at the moon
to bounce the evil from her room.
"The time has come to give up sweets
and other worldly children's treats.
Now, rip the ribbon from your hair
and crucify that teddy bear."
But something whispered in her ear
'No need to sacrifice your bear.
Unroll your lacy dancing socks,
jig throught the forest, scramble rocks,
run with the foxes, watch the stars
and free the newts you keep in jars.
But mummify those Barbie dolls
in eco-friendly toilet rolls.'
And so she did and who's to say
if she was wise or led astray?
Did Rumplestiltskin climb her locks
to confliscate her dancing socks?
Did she meet Hansel in the dark
and find the sweet house in the park?
Whatever happened, foul or fair,
Teddy's a very grateful bear.
christina fletcher
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