Hi Sally,

There's a vast confusion of images working here that are indistinct on a
first reading. As you used the hyperpoem line as your own first line I
wanted something to happen with the same rhthmn to carry me along and didn't
get it, selfish reader that I am. A little more clarity would go down well
here. Good first attempt though.

bw
James


>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub In the room the women come and go. Hyperpoem
>Date: Fri, 18 Jan 2002 17:01:43 -0000
>
>Here is my attempt at the hyper poem
>
>Line       "In the room the women come and go"
>
>
>
>In the room the women come and go
>I watch them all day
>skirts ballooned, backs bent
>feet splayed
>children follow, totter
>clutch hemlines, raise eyebrows
>cry, laugh, tap mum's belly
>when the baby kicks
>
>The room sighs into a lotus position
>hard chairs clasp soft flesh
>women pant without labour
>lay down the bags
>as if eggs are hatching
>
>A starched nurse calls a new name
>one woman smiles
>staggers to attention
>the others move up a place
>children chatter, wriggle
>a tired woman knits, drops a stitch
>and a pattern is formed
>another reads a book
>licks her lips
>turns over a new leaf
>
>Outside a dog howls
>a church clock chimes three
>an aeroplane stripes clear blue
>a bird sings on a shattered tree
>
>I hear men laughing in the corridor
>and in the room the women
>still come and go.
>
>Sally James Jan 18th 02
>
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bw
James


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