Grassy
I like this- it's mysterious, nostalgic but curiously impersonal (almost).
To intensify these effcts I wouldn't repeat 'noises and colours' in the
second stanza and I wonder about varying line length.
What do you think?
BW
Christine
-----Original Message-----
From: grasshopper
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: 28/10/02 14:57
Subject: New sub: Like this
Like this: a grey-eyed girl
dreaming of darkness
under an afternoon sun.
I'll give you the colours:
French blue and tangerine,
long greens and earths.
You can supply the sound-effects:
a small drone through grass-blades,
crows creaking in the oak,
and something pushing up
beneath the pauses between.
Afterwards you might think of them
as portents, the noises
and the colours -I forgot
those redbreast apples
ready to drop but waiting -
for now , they are simply
weights in the balance,
parts of that hot heavy day.
Look back at that girl, couched
on green, but say nothing.
She is poised between past
and future. Your words would nail
her to the present. In this garden,
silences crouch in a shadow
like toads growing jewels.
grasshopper
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