Hello Michaela.
Couple of small comments to offer on this piece.
I thought a sentence break at end of S1 was unnecessary - connection of the
lines through an open sentence might work better. I wondered if 'how your
fingers squeeze' could be 'the way your fingers squeeze'. wasn't sure the
'poetry ' and 'haiku' references worked - a little too overt for my taste. I
didn't think 'but' at start of last S was necessary. Otherwise a fine tone
and feel to the piece.
Cheers,
Frank
The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>Autumn Blues
>
>Midnight, and the hands of my clock
>edge deeper into the shadows.
>Sometimes rain breaks their soliloquy,
>but not tonight. Branches stiffen
>in dry cold, grass blades shiver.
>If only they knew your hands.
>
>They would no longer hope for
>resurrection, content to dream
>how your fingers squeeze
>poetry from each yellow leaf -
>crisp haiku, discarded syllables
>littering hedges like acorn seed.
>
>I keep them for the walk-on days
>of winter, nights between empty
>sheets and the impossibility of music.
>This is the dress rehearsal;
>silence follows the slow death
>of a livid next-door saxophone,
>chimneys sweat, plaguing the sky
>with insipid tales. Stars yawn
>and flicker out, wind curls up
>
>in drained swimming pools
>that pockmark suburbs like blind
>eyes, the moon's summertime mirrors.
>She rises regardless, a lump of amber -
>fossilised heartaches, splintered
>bones of grief; yet she resembles you.
>
>But I have learned to trace
>your features in every chestnut's
>clouded face, taught the wind chime
>your voice. This book in my lap
>can't be someone else's story,
>when I find among its pages
>a word I had not known before you.
>
>
>mag2002
>
>
>
>------ ----- ----- -----
>michi ~~~ http://www.geocities.com/lillith1971
>
>Good sex is like good bridge.
>If you don't have a good partner,
>you'd better have a good hand. - Mae West
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