Dear Michi
This is a lovely melancholic poem with very strong imagery and quite a few
musical allusions not least beginning 'Midnight and...'. I wondered if they
could be developed even further to give a consistent semantic field  (to
replace a word like soliloquy for instance). I agree with some of
Christina's points (but then I often cut far too much!). I would cut
'insipid tales', I think, but I love and well recognise the 'impossibility
of music' 'between empty sheets'
BW
Christine



 -----Original Message-----
From: michaela a. gabriel
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: 27/10/02 08:52
Subject: new sub:  Autumn Blues

i have been wrestling with my disobedient muse (or am i the disobedient
one? *G*) ... maybe you and your muse have any suggestions? cheers,
michi


Autumn Blues

Midnight, and the hands of my clock
edge deeper into the shadows.
Sometimes rain breaks their soliloquy,
but not tonight. Branches stiffen
in dry cold, grass blades shiver.
If only they knew your hands.

They would no longer hope for
resurrection, content to dream
how your fingers squeeze
poetry from each yellow leaf -
crisp haiku, discarded syllables
littering hedges like acorn seed.

I keep them for the walk-on days
of winter, nights between empty
sheets and the impossibility of music.
This is the dress rehearsal;
silence follows the slow death
of a livid next-door saxophone,
chimneys sweat, plaguing the sky
with insipid tales. Stars yawn
and flicker out, wind curls up

in drained swimming pools
that pockmark suburbs like blind
eyes, the moon's summertime mirrors.
She rises regardless, a lump of amber -
fossilised heartaches, splintered
bones of grief; yet she resembles you.

But I have learned to trace
your features in every chestnut's
clouded face, taught the wind chime
your voice. This book in my lap
can't be someone else's story,
when I find among its pages
a word I had not known before you.


mag2002



------ ----- ----- -----
michi  ~~~  http://www.geocities.com/lillith1971
<http://www.geocities.com/lillith1971>

Good sex is like good bridge.
If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand. - Mae West