the women, James, are coming and going, as if your poem still has at leat
one foot in the door iamb of Eliot's construction

which is mostly a good thing because, as you say, there is a free
associativie quality which only needs tempering by the judicious burial of
some of the deader metaphors

P-P


>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Hyperpoem: Talking  Of Michelangelo
>Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 08:45:38 +0000
>
>The beauty of an exercise like this is that you can turn out something
>quite
>different from what you usually do. For better or worse everything here is
>intended, the repetition, the weird rhyme. Just the way it happened.
>
>TALKING OF MICHELANGELO
>
>has turned desire into whimsical anxiety
>its comings and goings an iamb of [all kinds of] gossip
>walking in and out of the grocery store
>contained {confused syntax? what is contained?}in sealed tins and crackling
>packets.
>
>The acceptance is that potatoes all wear jackets
>for all transitions involve a version of death.
>Where snakes shed their skins so do we,
>among our daily artefacts to prime existence.
>
>Outside each door the classes chatter [among themselves]
>though the boundary between each one never closes.
>
>The medicine for each sleeps in separate doses {lovely}
>unreached until talk gets round eventually to Michelangelo
>and [a sense that] beauty from his age andours {?}
>could [not have long to go], as levity continues to grow.
>
>Michael and Joe from further down the street
>repeat the wisdom [they have learnt], so sweet,{?}
>repeat the words to a drum, its electronic beat
>contrary to each heart it comes to meet.
>
>Outside the door the classes chatter [among themselves]
>[though the boundary between each one never closes]{doesn't this deserve a
>better image?}.
>
>Leonardo, the storekeeper, knows of greater wisdom,
>though only in sound bites and hourly newsflashes.
>Michael and Joe make their passes at girls as they talk,
>come and go {oh g**, it's those women again} in short dresses, exchange all
>the gossip they know.
>
>Uneasy minds make blue sky thoughts {good}, [force issues as they
>talk]{does this need repeating},
>talk, talk and pretend they know as much as Michelangelo.
>Round and round they go as night follows another day
>and nothing will go away until talk returns to Michelangelo.
>
>bw
>James
>
>
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Perpetua Pullman


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