To be honest Bob I haven't as yet done anything with this poem, keep maning
to do and will revise certainly and thanks for comments you are quite right
about the stanza breaks. Thanks Sally J
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub Arrival of Winter
>Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 19:59:01 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>I'm way behind in my reading! And I guess you may well have worked through
>what's been said about this ages ago! My only (additional) thought is that
>it may be, because the poem's about day and then night and then day again
>that a bigger break (a stanza break? two breaks?)
>between day and night may work - and all the day bits gathered together -
>and all the night bits gathered - may prompt another ending (cos you're
>canny at poem endings!).
>But I'm so late in saying this (and you've probably done plenty of revising
>and reached something that sings clearly) that what I'm saying may be far
>too late to say anyway.
>Bob
>
>
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New Sub Arrival of Winter
>>Date: Sun, 20 Oct 2002 15:47:28 +0100
>>
>>Hello everyone
>>New sub for crits,
>>
>>
>>Arrival of Winter (for want of a better title)
>>
>>The sky is as grey as an old ship's canvas
>>rain bounces of tarmac and the cracks
>>in the pavement rise and swell
>>like sails lost in the sea
>>Particles of soil swim for survival
>>cling to the kerb edge
>>Birds scratch in nests sodden in the eaves
>>dodge waterfall deluge from broken spouts
>>Leaves once fallen gold turn to lead
>>write the arrival of winter
>>with a sword of debris
>>Oak fingers grab at light
>>as the heart of day turns black
>>Stars give shelter
>>and the moon wins her rainbow halo
>>Early frost pokes fun at the bloodless sun
>>freezes dew in tune with the sunrise witch
>>till there is nothing left but fires bright
>>soft fur of dead wolves
>>and the faint echo of summer.
>>
>>Sally James Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :
>>http://explorer.msn.com
>
>
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