Gary thanks for the read and comments. I was concerned at what might seem
length and repetition but also old men do go on a bit and that was part of
the wanderings as he sat.
I am a bit short on subject matter at the moment and am reading through old
note books from holidays. This fell out of a conversation I had with an old
man in Cyprus. He had a scar that ran from shoulder to hip down one side. I
asked if it was a shark bite. ' A Turkish shark!', he spat at me.Regards
Arthur.----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary B" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, October 24, 2002 4:01 PM
Subject: Re: New sub: The smoke of Evening Fires
Arthur, the story works though you might drop about a third for a tighter
work.
Here (and maybe elsewhere)
It is my daughter who waits for the firewood now
sets bread on my table
simmers stew over the heart of her fire
brims the jug with retsina but my bed is empty,
my blankets cold and when my legs ache in the night
only the moon shares my pillow.
I would do: My daughter waits for the firewood now
Great end.
Thanks.
Gary
Oct Michael Dean and poems for peace at:
http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
|
