Dear Barbara,
An enrancing idea - very memorable final couplet.
Looking at the winter sun (to plead with it) carries the idea that the cold
old sun may lack energy to the extent that it can be looked at without
damage to the eye - which of course would be to underestimate solar power -
but the notion of looking directly at the sun, long enough to plead with it,
expresses just how cold the sun seems. Lovely.
'Don't like the cold' can be omitted, as the poem conveys this.
The title, similarly? - 'driven to shoes', perhaps? - but I haven't given
this enough thought.
'awaken' is one of those words you see on lists of 'words to be avoided'.
True, it has an archaic feel. I actually like 'awaken' in its place. Hoever,
in your poem, which conjures the lost energies of Spring, perhaps 'wake'
would be more vital and direct.
Perhaps consider promoting 'Born of the sun-scorched plains' to the start of
the poem......which would give a logical thrust to the pleading to come. But
at all events keep the final couplet - brilliant.
Philip
>From: Barbara Ostrander <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub: Too cold for me
>Date: Sun, 20 Oct 2002 11:03:09 EDT
>
>Since my creative muse seems to feel the same way as I do about the cold
>and
>has positively gone into hibernation, I have decided to pull out some old
>pieces and dust them off. All c&c welcome please.
>
>Barbara Ostrander
>
>Too cold for me
>
>Like those early buds
>that awaken on the dogwood trees,
>I send pleading looks
>to the sun's sphere,
>await spring.
>
>Don't like the cold,
>this blistering white and
>fingers of frost lace my window panes,
>trail shivers down my spine,
>bite my nose.
>
>Born of the sun scorched plains,
>this love of all that is warm and alive
>keeps me yearning,
>yearning,
>running from temperatures
>that drive me into shoes.
>
>BBO
>(c) 2001
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