Hi Gary,
I feel the mood of this piece: I'm a sullen half awake
stumbler/grumbler/mumbler at this time of day. I also sense an underlying
tone of depression - until the startling last line! Chime is such a
surprising, startling, wide-awake word!
I'm guessing that "the wall of green" may be a hedge? It seems the only
phrase in the poem that's using metaphoric language if it is a hedge. If
it's an actual green wall than it's better written as a green wall. If it's
a hedge then I sense it's also better written as a hedge!
But I love:
"pot to cup
faucet to medication
toaster to chair
plate to sink and trash can"
each simple word and movement seems to show the effort I feel is there!
Bob
>From: Gary B <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New: The Shuffle of Silence
>Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 11:15:41 -0700
>
>The Shuffle of Silence
>
>
>
>I shuffle towards silence
>
>in a robe threadbare before Nixon.
>
>Worn slippers and sore feet
>
>cross carpet and linoleum
>
>from sheets to urinal
>
>pot to cup
>
>faucet to medication
>
>toaster to chair
>
>plate to sink and trash can
>
>
>
>As days shorten and the first frost takes its toll,
>
>holes appear in the wall of green around me.
>
>The echo of children, traffic, music drifts through
>
>muffled by the silence of morning fog and a light mist.
>
>
>
>burnt toast scrap
>
>dishwasher swish
>
>clothes dryer churn
>
>radio jingle
>
>quiet weaves through
>
>white noise barely heard
>
>beneath the clatter
>
>of cobwebs weaving white
>
>overripe berries dropping seed by black seed
>
>leaves changing from scarlet to brown
>
>geese
>
>
>
>Unwatered house plant, dead debris litters the carpet,
>
>a single curled flower waits to fall unopened.
>
>
>
>I shuffle
>
>from cupboard to sink
>
>sink to plant,
>
>water spots chime beneath my feet.
>
>
>
>
>
>Oct Michael Dean and poems for peace at:
>http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
>
>*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
>
>Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
>
_________________________________________________________________
Broadband? Dial-up? Get reliable MSN Internet Access.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp
|