Hi Marilyn,

I've just gone over this piece line by line and have a few comments. 
Apologies - I only do this every so often in a fairly random manner, so if 
it seems nit-picky, that's because it is LOL. Bin anything you don't agree 
with.

Frank

L1/L2 - lingers/at - strikes me as odd terminology. Perhaps lingers 
over/around?

L3 - 'Beneath THE patio...'? Feels a little stilted. Also the voice has 
changed - going from 'our in L2, to 'your' in L3. Intentional? Reading on I 
see that it is, but it struck me a little discordantly - my issue, I 
suspect, rather than the poems. I wonder if it needs a line to give a clue 
to the 2 parties to the piece being in different places at this point, 
rather than later.

In the last S, 'you regard night' feels to me like it needs an 'a' inserted. 
Also, did you mean 'decree' or 'degree'? I guess decree, but not sure. I 
find the last S a little unsatisfying - it feels a bit choppy and ultimately 
incomplete - or more subtle than I can decipher.

I think the piece has good potential, but as you can see - a few points 
troubling or uncertain for me.

Cheers,

Frank

>           Solitaire
>
>Ashen air from Isabella fires lingers
>at our home in the high desert.
>Beneath patio cover facing the road,
>a shadow crosses your brow.
>Eyes melancholy, you fill half
>the attached nylon chairs, lukewarm
>beer in one slot, cigar pressed between
>thumb and forefinger.  The dog
>at your feet sniffs darkness, listens
>to conversation with me on the phone
>and a coyote's soliloquy.
>
>Chicken Marsala and angel hair cool
>on the stove.  Limp romaine, tomatoes
>will be tossed to rabbits, chipmunks, jays.
>If I were there, fewer leftovers would
>be packed away in the fridge -
>that gallery of contingencies, prey
>to forgetfulness, deceptive promises,
>remains of good intentions.
>
>Though you were thrilled with the mail
>order ten-boxed set of Mozart weeks ago,
>it is still shrink-wrapped.  Upstairs bed
>not slept in since I sojourned,
>anticipates guests or my return.
>Silence permeates the ark.
>
>In sour smoke's pungency,
>you regard night that catapults
>decrees of separation, broken limbs,
>remember red-tailed hawks' revelry,
>blanketed seeds under soot
>and scorched earth that wait.
>
>                                      Marilyn Injeyan
>                                    October 5, 2002
>
>
>
>




The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at: 
http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm


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