on 17/1/02 6:00 pm, garydawg at [log in to unmask] wrote:
> She'd had a miscarriage
> up at the cottage, brought about perhaps
> by worry and starvation.
> So the woman
> took the girl indoors into the kitchen,
> among the pots, the cups, the marmalade,
> the tea, and shoved a pan at her, and said,
>
> Sally ee, I still want a S break at So the woman and for tea to end that
> line.
Yes you get a S break. But the stanza probably still starts half way across
the line.
>
Gary, I like moving the cups, the marmalade, the tea round the lines:
theres
didah the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
didah didah the cups, the marmalade,/the tea
and there's
the cups, the marmalade, the tea, didah.
however you will notice I have not been so crass as to end a line with cups.
I think those variations of placing the line are poetically interesting.
and I trust you will not chuck me out of the Eliot hyperpoem for cussedness.
Sally-ee.
> Probably my imagination, but this seems to have fewer of those e end line
> rhymes.
>
> And the middle S could use a wee bit of music.
I fully accept this and I am still going on working on this poem. There are
now three main problems: credibility, moralistickability, and the lines in
the middle stanza.
Sally-ee
>
> Thanks.
>
> Gary
>
> January guest Nat at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html,
>
> Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
>
> Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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