Hi Gary,
Autumn's creeping round near where I live, too. And I like what this is 
about! Sieze the moment!
And few quick thoughts.
"My thoughts turn inward" is very, very, much a Tell statement! (So it could 
be I'm only seeing it so starkly because of the recent discussion we've had 
about how and when to show, how and when to tell).
"The blaze of autumn fire" - do you mean an actual fire (like in a grate, a 
hearth? I sense you don't want me to uderstand that there's a reral fire and 
it's IN the pillows & rugs? Or do the pillows & rugs remind you of 
(whatever) autumn fire is? Or is this metaphorical description of autumn 
leaves? I'm confusing myself trying to explain how confused I feel!
And, in the second stanza, how many berries does a bird have in its beak? 
Somehow I sense the birds I see have one berry each.
Have you considereed naming the leaves, the blossoms, the birds? And you say 
"garden" - but could you, again, say something more specific? (I tend to 
think that the word "garden" can include lawn, shrubbery, vegetable plot, 
the bit where the flowers grow...) Being particular "sometimes" creates a 
powerful sense of authenticity. (It does with the mention of "rose" and 
"cedars" but I'm wondering if more specific details can be carried in this 
poem as well...)
It sounds as if I'm not getting any of this. But that isn't so. I feel I 
know how determined you are, despite the wind and rain, to grab your coat 
and boots! I know that compulsion, it's described so simply, so well. The 
ending is powerful!
Bob

PS Maybe I should've simply read this a couple of times and got back on it 
later!

>From: Gary B <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Passage  (for Maxine, 1920 to 2002)
>Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2002 08:20:10 -0700
>
>Passage  (for Maxine, 1920 to 20002)
>
>Another leaf falls, another blossom fades.
>Soon the garden will be brown, wilted, weeds.
>My thoughts turn inward, my eyes seek color
>among pillows, rugs, the blaze of autumn fire.
>
>A flash in the window.  Yellow, orange, charcoal.
>A leaf? A bird, berries in its beak? Rain and wind?
>Sheltered, a single rose blooms beneath cedars.
>I grab my coat, boots; color found in winter chill.
>
>(I am the president of a local RV club affliated with the Elks.  Our 
>members
>are rather elderly, so we expect some to pass away each year.  But this
>year, we have been hit especially hard, including several who could not be
>described as elderly.  Maxine was the last and among the brightest.)
>
>
>Oct Michael Dean and poems for peace at:
>http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
>
>*New*  Wild/Eliot  Hyperpoem at:  http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
>
>Poets for Peace.  ˇPoemas sí, balas no!




_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com