Hi Sally,
This one take off in th second stanza wonderfully. There are problems in the
first though. Can I suggest "sings" for "songs". Miss out "stilled" as it
serves no purpose. "pinned me to cushioned down" doesn't make sense to me
unless you mean the stuff the cushion is stuffed with. Hope this helps.
bw
James
>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new sub untitled
>Date: Fri, 4 Oct 2002 21:44:30 +0100
>
>Autumn air shrouds the window pane
>an early blackbird songs a new day
>blankets warm my feet were once
>a sleepy dog had curled
>her stilled lick wet against my cheek
>
>Dreams had ridden high in that longing night
>black fur had mourned the pale blush of flesh
>spirits of old wolves had awakened within
>pinned me to cushioned down
>
>I had suckled on the ache of absence
>stroked the faithfulness of hounds
>let primeval urges flow
>till my howl split stars
>pierced the oblique moon.
>
>Sally JamesGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :
>http://explorer.msn.com
bw
James
_________________________________________________________________
Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
http://www.hotmail.com
|