Hi Philip,
A jaunty piece with rhymes to match! It keeps me on my toes, still
surprising me with the end-of-line-sounds... It all builds up really well...
But I sense the ending feels a distance from the poem... (both visually and
in what it's saying). I sense I want something more outrageous, more jaunty,
vivid. I feel as if I want to keep smiling, or laugh loudly (and maybe
cruelly). I guess sonnets, like a living body, needs a sense of its own
life, of being all together.
Bob
>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: NEW MEMBER SUBMISSION
>Date: Fri, 27 Sep 2002 22:51:33 +0100
>
>I'm glad to be able to join. I look forward to reading your stuff and
>receiving your comments, and I also recommend octupus stew.
>
>THE PASSING ON OF HATS
>
>You had this thing for millinery
>or, rather, didn't. Didn't care
>what lidded you. If it were columnar
>your high object was achieved.
>Or if it were a scarlet flare
>with corky grapes. Or feather starred
>fox jaws. Or bandolee'd in finery.
>You simply sent your best pin
>wrestling the mirror. "La-di-dah"
>you'd say, "Baroness Muck," then
>sail off to town, in that ladyship way
>to net another specimen.
>
>I rummage in the attic. Can't say
>where they all have gone.
>
>
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