Sue, I really like the poem, but here
The apple on the limb will fall
and even suns go out. Autumn's
sharpest pang will pierce
the line and even suns go out trips me up. I'm not sure why. Maybe I want
to see you stay with the plants/earth bound esp after the apples.
Near the end
drinking autumn wine.
Lethe. Opiate.
Balm of desire
to forget the summer ended
in pain and fire.
I would play with the linebreaks, both longer and shorter so maybe L and O
have their own lines.
Thanks.
Gary
Sept Suzanne and new Centrum at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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