Dear Paul.
My first thought was that you should drop the capital letters at the start
of each line-just using them to indicate the beginning of a sentence. For
me, the rambling nature did get a bit self-indulgent,and the mixture of
register strikes a bit oddly in places, the poetick opening, with 'beaches
myriad'to the sky, and later the 'blatantly unSpanish' which is a different
voice altogether, and disrupts whatever mood you're trying to build up.
The line that stood out in the poem for me was:
This was the town where Pontius Pilate
was born
How about starting or ending the poem on that?
Kind regards,
grasshopper
By the way, what's happened to the general idea of posting to the list in
plain text?
----- Original Message -----
From: paul murphy
Sent: Saturday, September 28, 2002 10:36 AM
Subject: Pome
Spanish Siesta
The endless beaches myriad to the
horizon;
Palm trees bend in the evening breeze
I am an outcast; I ask Elisabeth
For a coffee, she gives it willingly
I wanted more; I've gone to Villa Seca
And Reus, the names fall like Spanish
coins.
In memory I've pounded this road:
Anyway, the bookies, the bars, the
knick-knack shops,
The Euro-discoes with their pungent,
techno beat:
In the port Tarragona,
A tanker lists out to sea, like a dying
whale,
This was the town where Pontius Pilate
was born:
I have made poems out of flowers,
Flowers with Latin names, but somehow
There are no flowers here; two American
Tourists argue, and talk to the
Spaniards,
Who greet me with downcast eyes:
They must know I'm bad news, there is
Bad news in the offing, and bad weather:
I read the paper, dream of gathering
mushrooms
In the moonlight: at the Fundacio Joan
Miro
I have a reunion with my blatantly
unSpanish-
Looking amiga, reading a copy of Ulysses
In Catalan: bizarrity is compounded with
Bizarrity, I wonder why I bother, I
could sleep
In the shade all day; Hasta la vista
(baby).
Paul Murphy
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