In a message dated 09/26/2002 11:03:29 PM Central Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< All crits/comments welcome.
Thanks,
Barbara Ostrander
Just One in a Million
Not even a tiny pinpoint of light
among the infinity of dots across
all time and space.
So insignificant a flash,
barely even a blip crosses the screen
to testify that I have come and gone. (we instead of I)
Yet to me a whole world (us)
to touch and feel and see
all coming together to form
this brilliance to pierce
eternity.
BBO >>
I like this, but I think it could be broadened by eliminating the first
person singular. This is just a suggestion. Sometimes it is essential to
use the first person, but I think a poem usually has more universality
without it. Of course the title presents some problem if you leave first
person singular, but the title could be a little fresher perhaps anyway. I
hope these small crits help. Thanks, Sue
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