Hi Grasshopper,
Such a simple rhythm and (for me at least) not over-predictable rhymes. The
sense of the poem, too, isn't over-determined by the desire to find rhymes:
I've been thinking of the phrase "sealed and set apart," though, because I
expect all tins of food on shelves to be sealed!!!
And the line: "No need to cut a jagged tear in tin," - but you're not the
first, and probably won't be the last, poet to cut a small word like "the"
or "a" from in front of a word like "tin" to get the syllabic and rhythmic
pattern they need!
I once lived with two cats, we were great friends, we even climbed trees
together, they were good, unobtrusive, company... but I don't think you're
just tugging on my memories, I think in its uncluttered approach it's caught
a poignant moment.
Do you know John Keats's cat sonnet?
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Five cans of catfoogd
>Date: Sat, 21 Sep 2002 18:42:11 +0100
>
>Oh dear, yet another sonnet, this time inspired by opening a kitchen
>cupboard. First draft for C&C,please. Rubbish title,too
>Kind regards,
>grasshopper
>
> Five cans of catfood
>
>Five cans of catfood on a kitchen shelf:
>I know soon I must move them out of view.
>Are they a hopeful message to myself
>that nothing's changed, that time turns tail for you?
>No need to cut a jagged tear in tin,
>No look that says ' Beef chunks? I fancied ham',
>No need to scrape the lot into the bin;
>just pristine labels: Pilchard, Turkey, Lamb.
>
>l sense an empty space upon the stairs.
>I feel the unfilled hollow on my bed.
>a pang that pounces, takes me unawares,
>the silenced mews that prowl inside my head.
>
>Five tins of catfood sealed and set apart
>and ah, a ragged fissure in my heart.
>
> grasshopper
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