----- Original Message -----
From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, September 22, 2002 12:07 AM
Subject: Re: New sub: Five cans of catfoogd-thanks for comments
> Coo, thanks for all the fast comments on this.
> Roger,-there may well be typos,but I can't see 'em-apart from catfoogd in
my
> subject-line. Point 'em out,please.
> Marilyn, the form of the sonnet often dictates what's where, so I couldn't
> really start with the sestet, as I felt the 'turn' of the sonnet was the
> sense of loss after the prosaic details of the octave.
> Trust me, I'm a sonnet nut, LOL.
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
>
> Subject: Re: New sub: Five cans of catfoogd
>
Five cans of catfood
Five cans of catfood on a kitchen shelf:
I know soon I must move them out of view.
Are they a hopeful message to myself
that nothing's changed, that time turns tail for you?
No need to cut a jagged tear in tin,
No look that says ' Beef chunks? I fancied ham',
No need to scrape the lot into the bin;
just pristine labels: Pilchard, Turkey, Lamb.
l sense an empty space upon the stairs.
I feel the unfilled hollow on my bed.
a pang that pounces, takes me unawares,
the silenced mews that prowl inside my head.
Five tins of catfood sealed and set apart
and ah, a ragged fissure in my heart.
Grassy,
I think that one depends on the type used, I use Times and it would not show
in Arial.
First line Second stanza First letter is a lower case 'L'
and
Either there should be a comma after 'bed'
Or Fourth Line Second Stanza should be a Capital A.
Sorry to nitpick, but it is a lovely poem and shouldn't be even slightly
spoilt.
Roger.
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