and I wonder if those 4 lines may be too much... (Because they're saying
such over-riding, almost generalised, distanced, things whereas the rest of
the poem is tightening the focus down to specific particulars.) I guess
you're mentioning other trees to resonate with the mimosa, but could it be
just one or two particular - unbroken, healthy - trees? Just a thought.
--Bob C
Bob, another reader said: This is rather superb work in utterly natural
(thus even more awe-inspiring)
ways. It is like creating motion out of the static, or cosmic awareness from
the tiniest grain of sand. That mimosa limb is alive and kicking, so simple
and yet...an intimate recounting of the briar-hidden man-soul reaching out
and touching mother earth to spawn anew. All those fruits of labor listed.
What an ancient motif: think Nut and Geb in Ancient Egypt or An and Ki out
of ancient Sumeria.
which of course tickled my fancy. Regardless, it is a difficult passage,
and in the 4th or 12th revision may go, but for now I want to keep it and
see if I can make the disparity work...
Thanks much for the observation.
Gary
Aug Chuck and Centrum at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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