Hi (again) grasshopper,
A fine poem! It theme fits well as a sonnet. The first line starting "I
dreamed of..." is delightful! It's rhythm, its echoes of other things. And I
love the sparrow story recorded by Bede.
If the first part wasn't starting with "I dreamed," though, I might get a
bit worried coz you're mixing a fair bit of celtic, anglo-saxon and
norse/icelandic things in: Beowulf, treasures under hills, beserkers...
I like it! (I guess culture's such a mix anyway...)
But the word "beleagured" - nah! It feels as if it's there to make up the
numbers! It doesn't feel like a sparrow kind of word. If I wanted a human
attribute for the bird, with all the noise of the situation, I'd probably
consider "terrified" or something that shows panic! My heart and mind's with
the bird - the word belegeared sounds too objective...
As a more demanding thought... what if the poem were not written as a dream?
What if it all were transferred to some world the reader could believe could
exist when people were awake? What I mean is selecting a different word may
enable more layers/significances to be glimpsed...
Bob


>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: The Sparrow
>Date: Sun, 1 Sep 2002 10:41:03 +0100
>
>I'm still on the sonnet jag.....
>
>
>
>               The Sparrow
>
>I dreamed of Beowulf and dragon-lore.
>bright treasure gleaming underneath the hill,
>brave kings who drank from brazen horns and swore
>great oaths, berserkers crazed to hack and kill,
>a lurk of monsters in their murky den,
>gold rings, rich torcs, and magic swords unsheathed;
>all thrilled my eager childish heart, but then
>I found out what these warriors believed,
>that life was like a sparrow in a storm
>swift-winging through a banquet-hall, from rain
>and dark, a fleeting passage, bright and warm,
>then through the doors to angry night again.
>I grieved then for that lost beleaguered bird,
>and now, for truths unsought, and best unheard.
>
>                                                   grasshopper






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