Dear Arthur,
 I'm afraid I have to agree with other comments that this seems to lose its
way-eavesdropping rather than unpacking, and I really  wanted the rest of
the poem to amplify the unpacking idea in some way..
 'A pass of people'-it does seen strained -a passing of people? -to reflect
back to the death in the first verse? I felt 'his mouth' needed to be
preceded by some sort of reference to 'him'.
Kind regards,
 grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: arthur seeley
Sent: Saturday, August 31, 2002 3:46 PM
Subject: New sub: Unpacking


              Unpacking

A long year
a death and a hard journey
behind me and
twenty minutes until dinner

I leave the suitcase locked
and stand instead to watch
beyond my curtain
the pass of people

a young woman
in dark trousers and lemon blouse
laughs throws her hair
and bends her ear to his mouth

they hold hands fingers interlocked
lean into each other
he murmurs again she laughs
and two storeys up

I hear her bubbles of delight
someone drops a paper bag
wind-chased it scutters
across the car park

the sea gleams
faint lights from  the far fleet
glow beyond the line of cliffs
              I brush a dead fly from the sill

the sun sets low in stained clouds
and paths of light
bloody
the still surface

she accepts a kiss spins away
and moves towards the road
he calls she looks back
but does not stop

moves out of sight
beyond the newsagent’s a few cars slide past
he locks his car
and walks in another direction

strings of coloured lights and people
blossom along the promenade
the moon is sudden
and pale in the darkening sky.