In a message dated 08/27/2002 11:46:39 AM Central Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< ear Sue,
I felt the punctuation was inconsistent and sometimes the lack of it caused
confusion.
A few points:
I would look at white and whiter in the first 3 lines.
Perhaps 'as the tide sweeps in or out'?
Are there really two horizons?
Shrimp float away to come again?-that seems oddly phrased to me.
Laved in lavender,-I see several people have mentioned laved, bathed
instead? I feel lavender is one of those words that have rather a precious
poesy feel too. Sunset's glow, a bit cliched?
Apologies if these comments are of no help.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sue Scalf" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, August 25, 2002 11:49 AM
Subject: new one - Marshes (comments welcome)
> Marshes
>
>
> The world is white and blue and green,
> and the air so sweet it makes me dizzy,
> clean as the herons whiter than bone;
> reed grass that Moses knew moves
> as if a spirit breathed upon it
> this way then that, as the tide sweeps in
> or leaves. Grass sways from blue horizon
> to blue horizon, and when the moon
> calls the waters to sea, oysters reveal
> their secret beds, and shrimp float
> away to come again. Brown birds vie
> for what is left behind then fly away,
> and an egret stands silent as a cat.
> Now the sky is laved in lavender.
> Everything waits in sunset's glow,
> lulled into the marshland's peace.
>
> Sue Scalf
> http://members.aol.com/poetscalf >>
Thanks for your comments, Gary. Yes, there were two horizons, one to the
east toward the Atlantic, and one extending to the west as far as the eye
could see. In the middle distance the marshes were bordered by houses.
Shrimp come in with the tide and propagate among the grasses. The larger
ones return to the sea on the outgoing tide. Recently I had my first
experience of really observing what takes place on the marshes and found it
fascinating. In the winter the grasses turn bronze and brown, but in high
summer the grass is green. And one can observe the oyster beds when they are
uncovered. I do appreciate your thoughtful comments. Sue
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