Dear Sue,
I felt the punctuation was inconsistent and sometimes the lack of it caused
confusion.
A few points:
I would look at white and whiter in the first 3 lines.
Perhaps 'as the tide sweeps in or out'?
Are there really two horizons?
Shrimp float away to come again?-that seems oddly phrased to me.
Laved in lavender,-I see several people have mentioned laved, bathed
instead? I feel lavender is one of those words that have rather a precious
poesy feel too. Sunset's glow, a bit cliched?
Apologies if these comments are of no help.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sue Scalf" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, August 25, 2002 11:49 AM
Subject: new one - Marshes (comments welcome)
> Marshes
>
>
> The world is white and blue and green,
> and the air so sweet it makes me dizzy,
> clean as the herons whiter than bone;
> reed grass that Moses knew moves
> as if a spirit breathed upon it
> this way then that, as the tide sweeps in
> or leaves. Grass sways from blue horizon
> to blue horizon, and when the moon
> calls the waters to sea, oysters reveal
> their secret beds, and shrimp float
> away to come again. Brown birds vie
> for what is left behind then fly away,
> and an egret stands silent as a cat.
> Now the sky is laved in lavender.
> Everything waits in sunset's glow,
> lulled into the marshland's peace.
>
> Sue Scalf
> http://members.aol.com/poetscalf
>
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