Hi Sue,
Sadly I find it difficult to respond positively to this one. Pastoral is
more difficult than it appears. The colours here are too stark for my taste.
The simile and metaphor is streched. Were you in Egypt? Moses mixes the
metaphor too much here and alliteration forced (laved in lavender). Form is
missing somehow. I tried sonnet, blank verse and some form of rhyme sequence
but nothing fitted. Maybe this one needs some rethinking. Hope this is
helpful as it is meant.
bw
James


>From: Sue Scalf <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new one - Marshes (comments welcome)
>Date: Sun, 25 Aug 2002 06:49:24 EDT
>
>Marshes
>
>
>The world is white and blue and green,
>and the air so sweet it makes me dizzy,
>clean as the herons whiter than bone;
>reed grass that Moses knew moves
>as if a spirit breathed upon it
>this way then that, as the tide sweeps in
>or leaves.  Grass sways from blue horizon
>to blue horizon, and when the moon
>calls the waters to sea, oysters reveal
>their secret beds, and shrimp float
>away to come again. Brown birds vie
>for what is left behind then fly away,
>and an egret stands silent as a cat.
>Now the sky is laved in lavender.
>Everything waits in sunset's glow,
>lulled into the marshland's peace.
>
>Sue Scalf
>http://members.aol.com/poetscalf




bw
James


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