Hi Grassy,
Great that you have used the sonnet form in a traditional way. From a
content point of view I found it a little archaic in terms of language
usage. Coudn't you bring the mer-folk into the 21st century more.
bw
James
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub:Hyperpoem:Salt
>Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2002 22:09:42 -0000
>
>Hyperpoem.
>My line from Prufrock is
>"We have lingered in the chambers of the sea."
>I've written two poems using it - , this one takes a bit of a liberty by
>clipping the first word, for obvious reasons......
>
>
>
> Salt
>
>The mer-folk, they who drew us down, for aye
>have lingered in the chambers of the sea
>till God's own sunlight makes them flinch and cry
>and seek the human salt of you and me.
>They round your eyes with coral gems and pearls
>and xylophone your ears with magic shells.
>You dally-dangle with bright mermaids' curls
>and feast on banquets, fresh from briny swells.
>
>But lads, remember you are sons of earth
>and darkling depths a strange unhallowed space.
>Think on the blessed land that gave you birth,
>the holy breeze, a mother's kiss upon your face.
>Down here, my shipmates, far beneath the waves,
>I smell the churchyard grass in Neptune's caves.
>
> grasshopper
bw
James
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