Hi Ann,
Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I've been away for a couple of nights!
But, the poem...
With the word “shod” – and my difficulties of accepting that it’s a word 
that belongs in the same register as the words in rest of the poem... I’m 
wondering about two things that may offer solutions!
The first is thinking about the road in another way...
Even tho you’ve got her in her bare feet earlier in the poem (so now you 
want her in shoes) is there a way you could use the sound of shoes on the 
road, or the sensations of the feet in the shoes (or the type of shoes, or 
boots, or sandals she’s wearing at that moment of the poem. And, maybe, how 
the feet feel in them? (I mean do they feel hot? constricted? pinched? or 
whatever! But that may be asking too much for the spare style of the 
stanza... I don’t know)
I mean the poem is often visual so another something about sound (or any of 
the other senses) could be included.
Or could you describe the road a bit more... walking by roadside poppies... 
isn’t perhaps the right phrase but it may be something to consider and play 
with (I mean flowers feature elsewhere in the poem).
Perhaps I’m wanting to stanza to say just a little more (so it gets as much 
weight as all the other stanzas seem to carry)
Oh, and I like the idea of a ghetto! (a ghetto of chrysanths sounds 
intriguing – and the idea of her getting away from a ghetto is a 
recognisable addition to the sentiments of the poem – marraige is sometimes 
a move away from something that’s not wholesome with the hope of something 
that’s better – and the word ghetto implies that!)
Bob



>From: "V. W." <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Re new sub: Recieved
>Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 14:09:04 EDT
>
>Dear Bob,
>        Thankyou, you managed to make me think that I have not entirely 
>wasted
>all that paper and ink!
>        Would it help I wonder if I changed it to 'Walking /a road /softly
>shod'  I can't at this moment in time think of another word to substitute 
>and
>do you think I should remove the word 'you' from 'stiffening the silence
>clanging behind' just a thought I am not sure about it!
>                                      regards Ann






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