Hi Rhianna,
And welcome to what goes on!
And an interesting, intruiging, poem to start with.
I like the irony that, even tho it's a love poem, it's focused on one person 
(and that person's untouchable because they're in a "glass of air" and that 
person is (shivering) inside their own language as well! But, even tho it's 
only about one person, the other person is always around.
And there's lots of interesting phrases: "the bare stone of self 
advertisement" is the kind of phrase I want to keep with me and remember 
when I see someone it may describe for me.
I also like the energy it has right at the start with the word "Here" - and 
then it explodes with the word "wanting!" It keeps that energy, that 
urgency, all the way through!
Since it's intended to be a "spoken poem" it might be interesting to know if 
you feel it works best with its suddenness (and, therefore, little chance of 
analysis) or if you then feel people may get more from it if they have 
chance to linger over what it's saying (like we have chance to do here).

Bob

PS - when you say "a senior at the Douglas Anderson School of Arts" I can't 
grasp what that means... perhaps I ought to watch more television programmes 
from the United States! (The ones where it always seems to be a summer's 
morning, where there's no wasps buzzing round when people are eating, and 
everyone walks around with huge piles of files). But if y don't want to say 
it doesn't really matter!


>From: Megan Mealor <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: A Love Poem
>Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 11:49:58 EDT
>
>Hello everyone,
>My name is Rhianna and I'm new to the group.  I'm a senior at Douglas
>Anderson School of the Arts, my major being creative writing, of course ^.^
>This is a new piece that I fashioned to read at a coffee house.  Please 
>tell
>me what you think!
>
>        Rhianna
>
>A Love Poem
>
>Here, wanting to hear the music,
>The cherry-beating of sweet ripe sweet ripe
>the bare shivering inside your language.
>Through the glass of air I want
>to touch you, to see you,
>red nails red lips red hair, your metawear.
>
>I know your sign, your wound, the bare stone
>of self-advertisement.  But I love you in your loneliness,
>forever prism’d in analysis
>(therefore therefore therefore)
>translating into this:  you want someone
>to touch you.
>
>Through the glass of air you see
>the world flown clear of your reflections,
>your mind beating out it hurts it hurts.






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