Hi Arthur, I second the thrust of Gary's comments below, though personally
think 3/5/3 is as constrained in English as 5/7/5, and rather too short to
provide a poem of similar extent to the classic Japanese haiku.

Perhaps the single most important thing to consider for someone coming new
to haiku is that the poem should not be over dense. It is not a miniature,
in the sense of every last syllable being maximised for the transmission of
'hard' information/imagery. Indeed the Japanese form uses all those phonic
techniques we recognise in our own poetry (other than end rhyme) and does
not adopt an overly contracted/coded/or otherwise telegraphic syntax.

Of the poem Gary comments on, and by way of illustration only, I offer:

somewhere laughter
blooms and flutes
wind through the long grass

as a typical type of length, layout and density for a modern free-form
English haiku.

The latest issue of World Haiku Review has just gone on-line at
www.worldhaikureview.org Reading the Blyth award winners, and the judges
comments, is worth a million of my words in learning the current state of
play.

Specially given that I think the three line form is highly flawed!!

Harumph! John


----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary B" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: 02 August 2002 15:03
Subject: Re: New sub : A few haiku


Goldfinch bends a bough.
Somewhere laughter blooms and flutes.
Wind through the long grass.

Arthur, the standard convention is 5 7 5 count, but increasingly in English
haiku (no s), 5 7 5 is being abandoned for a couple of reasons.  First is
that generally, Japanese translates in less count in English.  Normally, by
two for 3 5 3.  Second, there often is a forced feel to 5 7 5 English
haiku.
Very little of it feels smooth and if you will of the moment.

You might consider the above is less count

goldfinch bows
wind through long grass
laughter flutes

though I sure you can do better.

Thanks.

Gary


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