I like this poem Gary (and the revisions of the Grandmother stanza, and -
perhaps like grasshopper - wonder about the buttermilk...)
I had no trouble with the phrase "Blood or step." but I wondered if it were
written:
I have no father
poem - blood or step
(and then I'd tussle with wondering it I needed a full stop to end the
stanza... or let the list continue down through each stanza with (maybe)
commas (?) and use a full stop near the end... After the grandmother stanza,
or after the word children are two possible places...
Let the little dots and dashes do less (or more) work? Different dots (full
stops, commas, dashes, the like) are maybe like dabs on the bike's brakes
when freewheeling down the hill of a poem... LOL!
Whaddya think?
Bob
>From: Gary B <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New: The Father Poem
>Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 09:13:32 -0700
>
>The Father Poem
>
>I have no father
>poem. Blood or step.
>
>I have no mother
>poem, though I should.
>She made magic
>and spoke her mind.
>
>I have a grandfather
>poem, the one where his barn
>burns, when he no longer
>owns the barn.
>
>I have a grandmother
>poem, but then I should. She
>was a saint and raised seventeen children
>in a carrot patch.
>
>I have started a poem
>about my children.
>
>They will not write a father
>poem.
>
>Port Townsend Writer's Conference.
>July 13, 2002 revised
>
>
>
>July Stazja and new Gary at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
>
>*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
>
>Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
|