Hello ryfkah,

I was in a forest fire in Greece once. Absolutely terrifying. There is
something about the smell and the quiet. Especially if you are just worried
the fire is coming your way. Silence, then building sound. Weird. But, I
digress. I think this poem lacks continuity of pace or urgency in some
parts. Other parts, especially verb usuage, are very strong. Not sure about
lack of punctuation. We have apostrophes and capital letters but no commas
or full stops. Not sure but I think it's a personal thing. "Sparks spew" is
great. The cougar is a nice point. Some specific crits:

Ashes to Ashes

Ashes slough off as water drips from nozzle ## OK. This opening line
suggests the end of the fire. If the water is dripping from the nozzle, it
has been turned off or run out.
Fire devours hill after hill   Panicked horses shriek ## but then we get
this urgency. I'm not sure they go together.
Coyotes wail in the moonless night ## maybe wail at the moonless night. I'd
like to play with the fact that the night is lit by fire, rather than moon.
Sparks spew on rooftop  Garden hose plays god

Our dog Phoenix ran when the sky moltened ## nice personal interjection.
He hightailed through the cypress grove
down the canyon  away from the blaze
A cougar's ruby eyes flicker in the dust ## dust of the fire, or dust from
the dogs paws, or just general dust? Could they flicker through the ashes?

The Magic Flute sings in the living room
Bird people float through smoky yellow
Bull horn announcements repeat
Evacuate   Evacuate   Evacuate Now ## I feel this is the weakest stanza. The
flute and bird people seem to be speaking of native america, but not sure.

Grandpa Leibowitz built this house himself
his family perished in holocaust flames
so we take these trickling hoses
sprinkle our home for redemption ## who's redemption? Grandpa's or theirs? I
think if you mention the holocaust like this, you might need to draw a
stronger reaction than trickling and sprinkling. Soaking and dousing might
be more effecting. Drowning and annointing?

Ryfkah 7/20/02
Bunny
"Sometimes a poem about a fish is just that - a poem about a fish."