Your poem works for me (clever and articulate); I 'd use less punctuation and
more line breaks for stops.
Perhaps you could end at ...as I rise.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 7/19/02 10:30:27 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Yes, I want to remember you stood in my dream, always
as huge as Gateshead’s Angel glowing in morning’s light,
hear you as you stoop and drape the width of your wings
over the thin swerve of the Millennium Bridge
embracing me – your rust on my hands - as I rise. >>
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