Hi Arthur,

I’m frustrated coz I wanted time to get into the discussion about this poem
before now! It’s a fine piece!

I like the adjectives! What all of them? Yeh, (I may omit one or two but) I
like the words you’ve chosen. There’s a precision and a weight to both the
complex and the simple words. Phrase after phrase details the things that
are unforgettable. But, like others, I’m not yet sure about the ending,
though. I’m in two minds. I like the sense that the last line expresses – it
may be that the words are too specific, the “they” is the word that could be
changed. (Let the reader work out the significance of what adheres to the
boots). And/Or, if the original boots have long since perished, then it may
be a hint at what you sense still adheres to your present boots).

On similar themes (of finding crashed aircraft) there’s a Gladys Mary Coles
poem (it won a Forward prize years ago and was published in a book in the
early/mid 90s) called Dornier, and the Scots poet, Kathleen Jamie, has a
poem in her book The Way We Live, with the name Matthew in the title, which
uses a neatly phrased metaphor (not a detail about the aircraft or the
people) to end the poem.

One thing is unclear to me (something I could interpret two ways) because
I’m not sure if you’re one of the circle of silent boys or if you’re one
that did the burying (in the next stanza). I mean it could be that those
from that silent circle of boys were those who “buried jewels of fillet”
(eurgh) – or they could just be watching all that was going on... So, I’d
like more words in the “Circle of silent boys” stanza: words like “the” or
“a” preceding “circle” (and if you aren’t one of them how do you know they
had “senses dulled with horror”? Does slough also need a “the” before it?
I’m not sure? (& isn't slough a fascinating word, because - in the rare
times it's now used, it can be both a noun or verb!) If they’re the same
people in each stanza then could there be just one sentence - that may help
things to appear clearer? There’s no need for every stanza to have a full
stop.

In fact the whole poem seems as though it may work just as well with a few
extra small words added. “Into deep pool, gone.” becoming “into a deep
pool...” for instance. I guess it’s a balance between terseness and the flow
of words we need to make something sound right to say. And, “wondered at
skin of flayed arm” (“A” flayed arm?). Each time I’ve read it, part of my
reading mind and voice was having to ADD small words.

I’m also wondering about the indents certain lines have... I’ve can’t
remember working with indented lines - and only had them imposed on my poems
when my line lengths were longer than the page width. But these seem to work
for the subtleties of meaning (and I can’t grasp why the second stanza uses
two indents of different sizes) and I’m not too sure I can work out why some
are indented and some aren’t.

Bob


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