Hi Rhyfkah,
Love the slow reflective movement in this poem. Other comments I've put in
the poem. Hope they are of help.
bw
James


>From: Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Poem:  SeaScape
>Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 23:32:22 EDT
>
>SeaScape
>
>Like ancient kin  friends kindle a blaze
>Their guitars and drums serenade
>Seagulls scream in mauve twi-dusk (not sure about "twi-dusk" as a made up
>word)
>Sand shimmers as moonfire ascends
>Waves pendulate (like this though wonder if "pendulate" is the right word)
>I shave a branch to roast hot dogs
>
>And the wind sprinkles salt like tears (beautiful)
>
>Last year we kissed under the pier
>The dark sky witnessed our desire
>You fingered my waist-length hair
>tattooed me deep into your heart (nice image)
>I did not grasp it was our last embrace
>Never ending  I might have held you
>
>But even stars die  their light slight then extinct
>
>You seduce my thoughts
>Marshmallows grow pregnant with heat (unintentional comic implications here
>in this image, you might reconsider)
>Tide shifts
>An orca bounds from blackened silver
>Stabbing stars sweep across the vista
>Other lovers caress (all this is lovely)
>
>Secluded I sit in remembrance (an alternative could be "In seclusion I sit
>and remember" giving a little more emphasis to the present tense closure)
>
>Ryfkah 7/13/02




bw
James


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