Thanks David.
I have eschewed iambics and gone for a ten syllable line, on that basis does
L3 still not scan, I count 'polished' as two syllables.
buy and good bye worries me too as does deigned.
If you accept bill and nail as slant rhymes ( is that the same as half
rhymes BTW) can you not accept art and out , is it the pluralised arts that
worry you, because that is easily altered.
I have read some of Heaneys sonnets recently and the rhymes there are often
worse than mine. Best regards Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brigid Anthony" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 10:30 PM
Subject: New sub: Funeral Rites ( a la David Anthony)
It's a cracker, Arthur.
A few nits:
L3 doesn't scan.
I don't think buy/good-bye is a good rhyme, and arts/out doesn't rhyme.
Bill/nail's a bit dodgy too, though maybe OK as a slant.
I'm not sure deigned is the ideal word.
Best regards,
David
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