a charming 'little song' with a classic theme
I'm not sure how to pronounce 'visora', but I would stress the 'or' sound,
which tramples on my iambics a bit - I also have a bit of a rhythm problem
with line 5
I'm not sure about the focus
'one blossom at a time' suggest something of parsimony - a careful doling
out of riches coin by coin - but this theme doesn't seem to be carried on
Easter - resurrection - lost at the height of summer
I'm not educated in botany - but the visora is almost a potential focus in
itself - the hardening that comes through early loss
I feel as if the first stanza is a Pandora's box of possibilities that gets
diverted into something a little tame and rather cliched and the last half
line suggests you regret not taking this up more deeply.
Terri )O(
Terri, I see your points and am still fussing with this to improve meter.
The end is weak and I will attend to that if something arrives.
A visora is a large, spinny cactus that sits in our living room.
Thanks.
Gary
July Stazja and new Gary at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html
*New* Wild/Eliot Hyperpoem at: http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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