Thanks for the suggestions bob.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 7/2/02 4:00:08 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Hi Ryfkah,
You've caught something big, here, in very small words. I like the style,
the mood it creates. (Is clammors spelt like that in the US?) and I think
the "wafts" word's been mentioned already...).
I also like the first word "Like" - I'll have to try starting something like
that! It works in a startling way.
I don't think I would write with lines so short that they sometimes need the
next line to get anything from them (ie "we observe them from/ the other
side" I'd invariably put the from on the next line.) but I can appreciate
the rhythm you're using. The line I mention could be changed though...
whaddya think?
As for the rest? Canny!
Bob >>
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