Hi Sally,
I think this piece has the makings of an excellent humourous poem. However,
one is currently in danger of being hung by one's own petard.
There is some portentiousness in "Unless one is satisfied" that doesn't come
alongside the reader too well. Truculent. Is that latinate too? So, a
sharpening of the cleverness and some stronger reader empathy and you're
there.
bw
James
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Back to the draw board
>Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2002 02:13:54 +0000
>
>herešs an ephemeral piece to tease you all:
>
>BACK TO THE DRAW BOARD
>
>All this gerunding
>wešre stopping it, pending
>the power of Latin terms
>to flower untrammelled
>affecting of grammar
>by wiggly worms
>(a good gripe for editor,
>lousy rhyme for grammar)
>
>Truculent words
>that donšt have a usable ending
>in -tion or -sion, -able or -ible
>-age, -ity or -ment,
>rendering one incapable
>of saying what is meant
>queue up and cop it
>from an unruly poet.
>
>Unless one is satisfied
>to state categorically
>that a follows b,
>c is d, e regards f.
>Those for whom
>that basic tonguešs enough
>(I not being one of them)
>Išm for ridiculing.
bw
James
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