A very interesting poem. You could perhaps split that very long line into
two. I think poems are usually the better for a bit of uniformity of line
length. And shorten the other long line by removing 'furthest'? Few people
take this line on 'what its like for them' and I think you give fresh
insights.
SallyE

on 20/6/02 11:57 pm, Tom Donald at [log in to unmask] wrote:

> dedicated to her majesty the queen on the occasion of her being wheeled out
> for the telly again.
>
> jubilee
>
> weary queenmeat
> polyesters into the upholstery
> of another plastic palace
> sick to the itch of dusty soap
> the slavering of royaled up prigs
> and smiling through a clench of boredom
> queeny calls for gin and doctors
> for her dreams
> spoiled
> all spoiled
>
> was that a life?
> that mock saint puppet to her furthest father
> earnestness and being loved
> as if they knew her
>
> so tell me what I'm doing next
>
> the thick and frantic chinless sandhurst schoolboy chokes
> I'm
> tearful
> queen
>
> kindness comes
> her daddy's balm
> her meaning
> we are human you and I
> and face the winter
> every body fails
> and fatherfingers jam our say-so
> dutyglued
> but you can chuck it
> come out crying
> screaming
> leave me
> leave
> me