Thanks Bob . The last strophe is a slight come down, but I sometimes think
my whole life is strewn with unfinished miles.Thanks for the kind read and I
do consider all your points. Regards Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, June 20, 2002 8:36 PM
Subject: Re: New sub:Unfinished Mile:1944
> Arthur,
> you're so prodigious, so energetic with yr words and poems!
> But the last stanza sounds wrong... to me. Somehow I feel as if what
you're
> saying ought to hit me with as much energy as all else I've read before
it.
> The words "that last fifty yards" are so visual - can't they work harder,
> can't their be less explanation... I mean we know it was 1944 - so we
don't
> need to be told it was a (whole) life away... Can't there be more magic,
> pain, energy, in bringing us up to date?
> Go for it, with poetry you're into winning!
> Bob
>
> >From: arthur seeley <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: New sub:Unfinished Mile:1944
> >Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 15:07:02 +0100
> >
> > The Unfinished Mile: 1944
> >
> >In borrowed pumps I toed the line,
> >seduced to this reckoning by comic books
> >and fables of sudden glory.
> >
> >I was Wilson from the wild moors;
> >Wonder Man. I would astonish them all.
> >I was eleven.
> >
> >Around me towered the truth; the stiffened sinews
> >and summoned blood of sixth formers,
> >sash-haired heroes of their House.
> >
> >Their disdain questioned my existence.
> >The reek and sheen of their embrocation defeated me.
> >I did not even smell like a winner.
> >
> >The shimmering air was rich
> >with the balm of cut meadows as I was humiliated
> >that hot evening, watched by the whole school
> >
> >that bayed like hounds, chased
> >my narrow back and fluttering number
> >round and round the ground.
> >
> >I padded down corridors of grass
> >to trail my shattered fantasies
> >into that last long curve of shame
> >
> >but stepped from the gauntlet of their taunts
> >and hid behind the wooden stand
> >belittled by their belling, comforted by nettles.
> >
> >A whole life away yet that last fifty yards
> >and the sweet mollification of yarrow
> >still mocks all ambition out of me.
>
>
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
> http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
|