Hi Christina,
I like the dispassionate viewpoint that the third person here provides. On
the other hand, because of the subject matter, it seems to verge on a kind
of revenge. There is a hard edge in the dispassion. This is not necessarily
a bad thing but is it what you wanted or intended? It's also quite precise,
which again it must be. I like how your visual sensibility has come into
play especially in:
resentment strokes the letters leaned on
Terrific line. All in all not bad for a first draft, bloody good in fact.
bw
James
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Sub: 'Notes' (first draft)
>Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2002 09:14:50 EDT
>
>
>
> Notes
>
>
> In the beginning, his notes were scrawled
> with an automatic hand. His name,
> not larger than hers, was linked by 'love'.
> She decided to set to one side
> resentment strokes the letters leaned on,
> the sharp, slanting t-bars, like daggers
> pointing to the next word. She thought
> she'd prize open tightly knotted 'o's,
> dot 'i's, Tipex accidental smudges
> and teach him a lightness of touch: how
> not to emboss the other, inkless sheets.
> And later, in the way signs are brushed aside,
> she ignored the absence of 'love'.
>
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> christina fletcher
>
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