Hi Sally,
Looks like I'm back. I like this poem very much though feel the almost
mindless drumming of the woodpecker could be emphasised even more. I find
echoes of Crow here too. There are bound to be parallels made with Hughes
when you cover this ground. I've got three suggestions that are given in the
body of the text.
bw
James


>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: woodpecker revised
>Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2002 00:28:04 +0100
>
>Woodpecker  (revised)
>
>muffled yaffle through the silence
>drumdrumdrumdrumdrum
>
>tall close trees mottled with lichen
>in the cleanest air,
>dry, cool evening, pale white sky
>quiet road with none
>but my companion and I
>passing by
>
>drumdrumdrumdrumdrum again  (suggest you cut "again")
>- silence ever deeper -
>
>we look upward, crane our necks
>you are safely hidden
>Bewick said your young will run
>up and down trunks before they fly
>but no such sight for us
>not in front of us do you
>
>drumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrum
>drumdrumdrumdrumdrum.
>
>Don't you ever bother singing? (I don't think you need this line)
>Need you, with the small wood ringing
>drumdrumdrumdrumdrum
>
>Silence springs back into place
>like a branch you flew away from. (like a branch from which you flew away,
>I'd suggest is easier on the ear and more grammatical)
>In the gaps between your sound
>we hear profound seclusion
>in your haunt.
>
>
>Sally Evans




bw
James


_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.