Yes, grasshopper,
I was trying to say "horrible" but in an enjoyable/horrible kind of way! I
guess, with the "One day" phrase the fairytaleness is evident, a kind of
mixing of genres tho - poetry and fairytale... I guess I wasn't expecting
that! ... Until I've just re-read it now and I can see that what I took as
contemporary (almost) barby-dollness is actually fairy-taleness!
It might, therefore, just be me that's slow to catch on,
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Haemorrhage-thanks for comments
>Date: Mon, 6 May 2002 21:59:39 +0100
>
>Thanks, Bob and Sally.
>Bob,
> I'm sorry you found it horrible.I suppose I wanted a rather fairytale
>feel
>which was why I had a rather flat narrative before the last stanza.
>Actually
>the original forms of fairytales can be very gruesome, -I remember having
>nightmares as a child after reading stories from the Red Book,Yellow etc of
>Fairystories which included such delights as Cinderella's stepmother being
>forced to dance in red-hot iron shoes.
> The blood is quite a shocking image, but it was to try and convey that
>moment of revelation, and heartbreak,that can suddenly come to someone.
>Sally,
>yes, it could apply to anyone who submerges their personality for
>ungrateful
>people.
>Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>>
>Sent: Sunday, May 05, 2002 10:15 AM
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Haemorrhage
>
>
> > Hi Grasshopper,
> > Interesting, tight, controlled, (but horrible) poem!
> > I'm wondering, Grasshopper, if the last stanza sounds a tad too much
>like
>an
> > explanation (I know there's a sense that you can't show us, you have to
>tell
> > us where it came from... so I'm foxed as to what to suggest!) I think, y
> > see, I can sense how I say the last stanza so differently to the rest of
>the
> > poem and that's what alerted me to the change in what's going on. I'm
> > wondering if there's another, less abrupt, way of letting me discover
>what's
> > to happen... (how's about not starting the stanza "One day..." and being
> > more specific about when, and even where?) (Would that make the switch
> > between what we see of her life and what we're told is happening less
> > abrupt?)
> > (But, on the other hand, I also know there's plenty of poems that have
>to
> > switch the way they work before they can get into the business they're
> > trying to do.)
> > Sorry I can't explain it better, or be more helpful at the moment. (It's
>the
> > sort of conundrum I'll probably have with me, sidling round the
> > not-controlled parts of the brain for a while, and something may then
>just
> > emerge)
> > Bob
> >
> >
> > >From: grasshopper
> > >Subject: New Sub: Haemorrhage
> > >Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 16:11:33 +0100
> > >
> > > Haemorrhage
> > >
> > >She was always a good little girl.
> > >playing with dolls and sewing their clothes.
> > >She baked small cakes, brewed tiny tea.
> > >
> > >She loved books about knights and fairies
> > >about princesses in sugarcrust towers,
> > >the good living happily on the last page.
> > >
> > >She grew through life in soft fabric
> > >and pastel shades. Her lips were pink.
> > >She married and bore noisy children.
> > >
> > >She began to frown even as she smiled.
> > >She managed, she cooked and cared
> > >and ignored her husband's business trips.
> > >
> > >Her home was like a hotel, where she paid
> > >the fees. She was always accommodating.
> > >She was sure that loving assured love.
> > >
> > >One day her mouth flooded with blood.
> > >It did not come from her teeth or her
> > >throat, but from the chambers of her heart.
> > >
> > > grasshopper
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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